Anyone who knows me in real life probably knows that I used to live in England with my mum, a dog and an individual that could be classified as a stepdad, just because it's easier than saying "man-who-for-some-reason-lives-with-us-and-doesn't-get-the-hint-that-we-want-him-to-fuck-off-already". And I've heard a lot of step-parents have problems with their stepkids. I definitely had problems with this one. I don't have a single nice memory of this person, but I remembered two moments that were hilarious. Today I've written about only one of them because then I can write another blog entry this week and you don't explode from the sheer awesomeness of these two fails coming at you at once.
So, here's the first one. Some background information is that stepthing is getting on a bit (fingers crossed, people) and he's also extremely vain. My mum, who was feeling trolly, brought the subject up.
He didn't use lolspeak, but the language was too vulgar to write. He ran to the nearest mirror and started preening himself. That's a head, btw. I don't want to try to draw him because he's fugly and I'm worried the internet would breakz0rs.
I was amused by the vanity considering the person in question doesn't wash or brush his teeth and caught e-coli once just because. Notice the pink shirt. It was referred to in our house as "The Salmon-coloured Shirt. Not the Pink Shirt." I noticed an opportunity emerging, but mum was too quick. Continuing her trolling spree, mum interjected:
We think he thought it sounded regal, but mum was pissing herself laughing thinking about silverback gorillas. I decided to go for it anyway and see if my idea would work.
I posed the suggestion.
And many days passed with him prancing about thinking his hair was light black. The End.
Except for part II which is quite legendary if I do say so myself. Mother, do not spoil it.