After mum and I managed to fool Brian into thinking that his hair was light black, we wanted to see how far we could take it. After the hair discussion he was standing slumped against the mantelpiece, mostly because he was drunk, but at least partly because he's a lazy fucker. Mum and I went into action.
We started discreetly tiptoeing around and standing up as straight as possible, since he was so slumped against the mantelpiece. We tsked and said that age was really catching up with him - he was even starting to shrink.
-Fuck off, he said. "People don't shrink".
But they do! Have you ever noticed:
That's the beginning of granny physics, people. So anyway, at least to Brian this argument was highly convincing and he began to faff and panic. What a day, first his hair was going gre- light black and now he was shrinking.
Luckily, we told him, there's a cure for your predicament.
"Can I get it off bupa" he asked.
Yes, we replied. Let me write it down for you:
HEIGHT REPLACEMENT THERAPY - HRT.
-Right, he said. He seemed concerned. "I'll phone the doctor's in the morning and see if I can get it". He faffed his way off to get more wine or beer or something and we pissed ourselves laughing. In case you're a man and don't suffer from hot flushes, HRT is Hormone replacement therapy for menopausal women. Nob jockey.
On a cuter note, I CAN HAS PUPPY.
She says hi.
My puppeh's name is Tuike which means Twinkle but doesn't sound quite so wimpy. It's like a small pinprick of light in darkness. Light point, if you will. Lightpoint is also known as light bulb, because she folds her (massive) ears back when she's being cute and resembles a light bulb. Lightpoint the light bulb is fairly housetrained - does her business on a special pad near the front door and wees outside - and knows the commands for sit, lay, wait, stay, come and piss (useful). We haven't taught her the word poo yet because she only poos at night like a ninja.
Tuike is the champion of the uncomfortable sleeping position: