Sunday, 30 May 2010

Of frustration and elderberries

Do you ever get the feeling that something, somewhere has gone terribly wrong, so wrong that it is distinctly possible that right above you, spacetime has torn and warped your reality like a giant bout of galactic flatulence? Not only did you have the misfortune to be in the way of said spacefart, but it feels like the universe also shat on you for good measure.

Sometimes the amount of sense in a situation is ludicrous in comparison to the amount of sense you should be getting. This happens a lot at the post office. Three times in 4 years I've gone to the post office, spoken Finnish to the clerk there and then suddenly out of nowhere they smack me in the face with their Finglish. Like, ohai, were you here for the last 5 minutes while I spoke fluent Finnish to you? Oh I get it. You saw my name, didn't you? That's okay, I know my name looks foreign. You saw my name and it started an override in your brain because no-one with that foreign a name could speak Finnish. Oh, hey, you aren't responding to the fact that I'm still speaking to you in Finnish. You can stop now. Please stop. This is embarassi- HEY LADY I UNDERSTAND FINNISH, I shout, in English. Now everyone in the post office is staring at me insisting in English that I can speak Finnish. Convincing. GG.
One thing that always gets me is the fact that people can be utter shits to you and then act put out when you finally get the nerve to stick up for yourself. Especially when you've just been sailing along minding your own business and then wow, someone is MEAN. What the fuck did I do to you? I apparently got the right end of the stick while you are clinging desperately to the wrong one. In such situations I always try to process in my mind what happened, what could be perceived as so heinous that it warrants the shit I'm getting from this one person and is it actually my fault and dear god, how do I make it go away, do I kill it with fire?

So I take a deep breath, try to remember self-defence moves just in case and say "Hey, you know, I reserved this time on the list for the washing machine and you've stolen it and now I have to go to work Monday in shitty clothes because you stole my turn." and the laundry THIEF is all up in my face about it not being my turn. Laundry Thief is ANGRY because I came to do my laundry at the time that I reserved. But I have the LIST. So now Laundry Thief has to admit that she is either illiterate, too stupid to read the list, too stupid to figure out how the list works or simply an arsehole for stealing someone else's laundry turn. None of these are favourable for Laundry Thief. Surely justice, fear of humiliation, the list, and possibly even God are on my side!

Nope. The machine is already running. I'm going to work smelly. God and justice are AWOL. Laundry Thief waltzes off. I briefly consider stopping the machine and pissing in her laundry but I appear to lack the balls. Seriously Laundry Thief, does it not bother you that I now (admittedly quietly) dislike you due to your having seriously inconvenience me? Do you not care that you are horrible? Don't you feel bad? This is unjust! I am aggrieved!

It wouldn't be so bad if that was the end of it but noooo, you spend the next few hours thinking of all the really witty, crushing insults and remarks you COULD have said.
But you didn't. You politely asked the person if they could possibly stop being such a twatface. You desperately want the situation to happen again so you can use the brilliant insult you've thought of, but that's never going to happen in a way that you turn out looking suave and off-the-cuff. You're going to think of a blinder of an insult when no-one else is around to appreciate it and save it until the minute the person comes into vision which will probably be far more socially embarassing for you than for the target of your frustration. This situation is also accompanied by selective amnesia on part of the annoying person who now, mysteriously, cannot recall any of the event which has aggrieved you.

Sadly I suspect that this is like when someone is wrong on the internet. You're always outnumbered and there's bugger all you can do.

On a lighter note, I have a new contraption on my leg now. It's a splint rather than a roboleg. Here's a picture.

THERE ARE NO SUPERPOWERS IN THIS? It's like the tamest, cutest splint anyone ever invented. It even has my favourite colour in it. I need help with this one.


  1. I really feel for you :( That always happens to me too, my mind bubbles with insults 15 min after the incident but I never get the chance to use them...

    But this might help you: Always before going to do the laundry you should buy pig/bull testicles from Hakaniemen halli and if someone is washing on your turn, you just stop the machine, dump the testicles in the load and start the program again!!!

  2. OMG that happens to me sometimes at the post office too! Though I know you speak better Finnish than me, but it gets frustrating when I spent 5 minutes looking up all the words in the dictionary, then memorizing them and then practicing my spiel on the way to the post office ONLY TO BE SPOKEN TO IN ENGLISH! But it's okay... sometimes they answer in Finnish, so we should keep trying :P