Monday, 31 May 2010

What to look for in a boyfriend

So the universe shat on me yesterday, as you can tell from the last post, which was emorage and lame. Emorage looks funny because Emo in Finnish is the word for "mother" when you talk about animals and emo-animal-rage is amusing to think about.

Anyway. This post will be much more positive, perhaps even erring on the gushy. After all the cosmic shit hit the astronomical fan, I complained to my boyfriend who was far more understanding than anyone could have expected him to be at midnight and far more able to understand snotty wails than I had previously thought. This isn't the only thing I like about him though. I made a list, you guys.

1. He goes to have coffee with me even though we have a machine that perculates coffee at home just because I feel the need to have foamed milk in my coffee. Thanks IKEA. Everytime we go to a cafe he makes sure to check he doesn't like the coffee I order. My coffee is usually a vanilla or toffee flavoured monstrosity of foam with a shot of espresso in it. It's been pretty much that way the whole time he's known me, but he keeps checking. He still doesn't like it. But he always comes to the cafe with me.

2. He gives me piggy backs, which is no small feat. I'm neither puny nor frail. Nor am I an easy burden to bear, because I find the whole experience hilarious and start giggling which doesn't make things any easier. An important thing to remember is that I can't see myself being carried, but the mental image is fucking hilarious because I can imagine him tottering around without a destination and me just cackling about on his back. Then I fail at laughing and snort, which makes me laugh harder until all I can do is flail until he puts me down.
3. Once he pretended to be a sealion just for kicks.I think I was sad at the time and the idea was to cheer me up but I'm pretty sure it was fun for him, too. In case you're retarded and don't know what a sealion looks like, or otherwise just generally need help in visualising a sealion (they look like seals and otters and shit) here's a picture. You're welcome.
4. Lastly.. well not lastly, I obviously like more than 4 things about him because I can think of 4 things I like about tortoises and chicken wings and stuff and he scores considerably higher than those, but if I told you about all the amazing sex you'd just be jealous and I'd feel mean and limbs are hard to draw. Anyway, shortly after my operation I was lounging on a sofa watching Stargate and eating a Brunnberg suukko which looks like this, when into my line of vision came something previously unknown to mankind.

He had fashioned something out of the wrapper of the suukko and used his bellybutton as a.. stand for it. The way it slowly but determinedly obscured my view of the television, and the ecstatic jubiliation with which Jukka announced what he'd done cracked me up laughing. I fell about on the floor like a carp asphyxiating (I mentioned previously I'm not good with laughter). People always feel the need to ask me why I'm doing that while I'm doing it and it's not a good time for me to answer. But when I'd recovered the conversation went like this:

Jukka: Look, look what I did.

Me: Why would you do that, though?

Jukka: But look, it's cool!

Me: Undeniably. And I can understand the need for you to sculpt things out of the wrappers, but why did you feel the need to put it THERE, in your bellybutton.

Jukka: Well I don't know, it just.. fit there.

It's like he only just found out that he has a bellybutton and his train of thought went from "whoa hey, there's this thing here...I CAN USE IT AS STORAGE AND AS A STAND FOR REFUSE ART".

But at least I didn't expect him to do it. Please don't hate me for this post. I like you.


  1. For some reason, I don't need to wonder the reasons I'm with you anymore.

  2. Whoa, that sounded a little wrong. I mean "I need not to wonder the reasons I'm with you, not anymore." I think we might just be meant to be together :)

  3. Okay, but I don't think you're ever going to like my coffee :(