Thursday, 13 May 2010

Just think of puppies

So far I'm succeeding with my policy of doing absolutely nothing while on sick leave. I've been lazy not only in Helsinki but also in Kuopio and Vihanti. I think after two weeks of doing so little I'm nearly undoing stuff I've already done, I should start being more productive. Obviously by writing more blog instead of writing my master's or revising for an exam I have tomorrow.

It would be nice and relevant to my interests to get my master's to an acceptable stage by August because then I could spend Autumn fiddling with it and graduate by December. Which means I would have finished my degree in an acceptable amount of time which means 30% of my student loan repayments get chopped off and I only have to pay a few thousand euros back instead of many thousands.
I can has?

Yaaay I can start a new life not living in 10 metres squared of space and having to put up with an annoying roommate and I can live independently and do what I want when I want however naked I want. But then adult life walks up and smacks me in the face:

I am planning on moving myself from Helsinki to Kuopio, which means that I can't just carry boxes next door, I need a VAN. Those are bigger than cars and I can't drive. I need someone to drive. Okay, that's fine, I'll bribe my best friend. I guess I have to live somewhere in Kuopio, I need an apartment. Owning an apartment requires that I pay rent. Although in Finland it's legal to pay rent with sex provided it's agreed upon in the contract, I think I'll go with the money option. So I need a job. I want to work as a translator, particularly as a freelancer, but how do I know how much money I'll get every month? What if I don't get enough money and I get booted out of my flat after 2 months? Okay, so I need to be an authorised translator, that will help. But that exam costs 200+ euros and is apparently HARD and it still costs all that money even if I don't pass. By this point I've gone so deep into a kind of trance I have yet to notice that suddenly my food, travel and medical bills will rocket. It seems to me that independence is not worth all of this stress and it hits me that people who tell you to "grow up" are actually just sadistic bastards. THANKS GUYS. So I employ my backup plan. I'm going to buy a dog, because obviously that will immediately erase half of my stress, even if the problems don't go away. Obviously. I'm not joking. Dogs are the business.

But the dog can't pay the bills or translate for me so I just stop thinking about what a GREAT LIFE THAT IS GOING TO BE and concentrate on living here and now.

Speaking of which, I have noticed that my apartment is a fascinating bioexperiment. One of my roommates is apparently content with living among old food and mess on a larger scale than my other roommate and myself. See below:

Ex. 1 Ever wondered what happens to carbonated orange drink when you leave it for months?

That's what happens. I wonder what it tastes like. Did all the flavour go to the bottom as well, or is that just colouring? If I open it, and it fizzes, will the colour diffuse so it will look normal?


This one is interesting on two levels. The first is that what happens to eggs when they go bad in their shells? Do they smell? Do they crumble and does smelly yolk come out? The best before date on those eggs is 17.03 and it's now 13.5. Could you still eat those? The second level is that WHEN will my roommate realise that they are there, and that they are old? Will she ever? Who will throw them out?

I'm not throwing them out, by the way. Because I'm a scientist.

There is a pile of stuff in our living room which probably conceals a hidden doorway to Narnia or something, but I've noticed that it goes through a cycle, kind of like magma under the earth's surface. New (as in so old it came full circle) stuff sometimes appears on the surface. Today this caught my eye:

There will probably be more updates on this one.


  1. hahahahhahaha.

    re: soft drink. as far as i know, those are made by mixing carbonated water with a syrup (or at least thats how it works with fountain drinks at fast food places). so i guess if you're really careful and don't move the bottle around at all, those would eventually separate again...gross...