Wednesday, 9 June 2010

Why baldness is dangerous

This post is kind of a disclaimer for any bald people who might meet me in the future. Baldness is dangerous for you, future bald acquaintance, because of the qualities it brings out in innocent bystanders (me). I'd have liked to have filed this under "strange social phenomena" but since no-one confesses to being affected by baldness as I am, I'm not sure how widely spread the phenomenon is. I would very much appreciate knowing I'm not the only person who has been tempted outside of normal social behaviour by a smooth, gleaming noggin.

I've never touched a perfectly bald head. Well, either I haven't ever, or I've touched so few bald heads that I can't remember doing it. (And I must stress here, that a buzz cut or someone who is balding is not the same, unless the balding process is over 75% complete). A bald head is an enigma for someone who hasn't touched one before. I find myself wondering what a shiny bonce feels like, in a similar way to how children wonder what dolphins or snakes or electricity feel like - you just don't know until you've touched it.

As a child I was far too short to be touching people's bald heads, and as an adult it's socially unacceptable, which I find to be particularly unfair. I'm also at a loss as how to go about it; "hello, good sir, I notice you have a particularly fascinating cranium"? Perhaps not. It's not even like bald people feel any remorse about having such fascinatingly enigmatic heads, either, they just wander around with them out, with the sunlight gllinting off their head like a marble. If the person happens to be black, then it resembles a malteser. All the better. In my opinion, they're asking for it.


  1. This is very interesting. I didn't think I had this but then I thought of my grandfather. He's a fascinating man with a wild sense of humour and he's been balding since high school. Needless to say, by the time I was born, he didn't have much hair left. But he still has a tiny bit at the very back of his head. Anyway, I spent my whole childhood petting his head and showing him affection. I'm not sure if this counts but I think it does. I rather enjoyed that time. And if he comes to visit Finland, I'm sure he wouldn't mind having you touch his head either :)

  2. That's awesome. I only saw this comment now but i would be up for that :P